When a child arrives for pre-testing already in a state of “high alert”, whether it’s a full-blown tantrum, silent freezing, or vibrating with anxiety, the clinical data usually becomes secondary to emotional regulation. If you try to force a measurement now, the “noise” from their stress will likely yield inaccurate results anyway.
Here is how to apply EQ to de-escalate the situation and salvage the appointment.
- The “Neutrality” Reset
When a child is elevated, the environment often becomes high-decibel and high-stress. As the professional, your first move is to introduce Neutrality.
- Lower the Volume: Speak at a volume just above a whisper. This forces the child to quiet down to hear you and breaks the cycle of “shouting over” the noise.
- Minimize the Audience: If the pre-test room is crowded or visible to the waiting area, close the door or move to a quieter corner. Reducing sensory input is the fastest way to lower cortisol.
- Narrative Labeling (The “I See You” Technique)
High EQ doesn’t mean “fixing” the emotion; it means acknowledging it. Children often escalate because they feel misunderstood or out of control.
- Acknowledge the Feeling: Instead of saying “Don’t be scared,” try: “It looks like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now. This room has a lot of big machines and that can be a lot for anyone. What should we do to help your body calm down?”
- Give Permission: Tell them it is okay to be nervous. By removing the pressure to “be brave,” you often remove the resistance.
- Tactical Agency: Give Them the “Off” Switch
Anxiety is rooted in a lack of control. To get the data you need, you have to give some power back to the child.
- The “Stop” Signal: Give them a physical signal (like raising a hand) that means you will stop the test immediately. When they know they have an “exit,” they are far more likely to stay in the chair.
- The Choice Illusion: Ask, “Do you want to do the ‘balloon machine’ (autorefractor) first, or should we take the ‘eyeball picture’ (fundus photo)?” The order doesn’t matter to your data, but it matters immensely to their sense of autonomy.
- Utilization of “Collaborators”
In these moments, the parent is your most important Collaborator.
- Indirectly regulate the Parent: If the parent is frustrated or embarrassed by the child’s behavior, it will escalate the child. Calmly tell the child, so that the parent can hear: “It’s okay, lots of people feel this way about this space. Let’s just give you a minute to calm your body. Maybe your parent could help show you how the chin rest works?”
- Physical Grounding: If the child is small, have them sit on the parent’s lap for the pre-testing. The physical proximity to their “safe person” can calm them down enough to get a good reading.
- The “Pivot” Strategy
Sometimes, the EQ move is knowing when to stop. If you have tried de-escalation for five minutes and the child is still in a “fight or flight” state, pushing forward will only create a traumatic association with eye care.
- Reschedule with Intent: Pivot the conversation. “I can see today is a big day for your eyes. Why don’t we try one small thing, and then we’ll save the rest for another visit when you’re feeling more like a scientist?”
- The “Win” Ending: Always end on a successful note, even if it’s just the child successfully sitting in the chair for five seconds. Give the sticker anyway. You are “playing the long game” for their future eye health.
Summary for the Team
When a child is elevated, your job title shifts from Technician to Regulator. By focusing on their emotional safety first, you aren’t “wasting time”, you are ensuring that when you finally do get that measurement, it is accurate, and the patient is willing to come back next year.
Want to learn more about Emotional Intelligence, find more resources at www.emotionalintelligenceconsultinginc.com
Jade Bodzasy
Jade Bodzasy, Founder of Emotional Intelligence Consulting Inc., is a dedicated Coach and Consultant for Optometric Practices. Her extensive background includes over 20,000 hours of expertise focused on customer relations, work structure refinement, training method development, and fostering improved work culture within Optometric practices.
Certified in Rational Emotive Behavior Techniques (REBT), Jade possesses a unique skillset that empowers individuals to gain profound insights into the origins of their behaviors, as well as those of others. Leveraging her certification, she equips optometry practices with invaluable resources and expert guidance to establish and sustain a positive, healthful, and productive work environment.
